Gary Lineker
a couple of months into what should be one of the best premiership seasons in a while, for my money it is time to say au revoir to the ever tanned linker.
lineker is the arcthetypal leceister dweller. leicester is a nothing sort of town that just exists - no passion, no interest, no balls. and lineker is just the same. there is no discernible passion or conviction, just a cheeky smile from your mate lineker. lineker the cheeky boy with a cheeky wink was originally a breath of fresh football air. his 'ironic humour' matched well with the time - the age of shooting stars and vic and bob. but you can only be cheeky and matey for too long. lineker now is a wilting lettuce who shows signs of turning brown and limp. his humour reduced to saying on a rainy day 'i hope you enjoyed the great weather' (as he did before a recent england match). i find myself shouting at the tv 'no gary i didn't, it was raining. you know it was raining. you know we are not enjoying it. your attempt at irony did not work. you idiot.' and give up bashing sven. at least we never lost a friendly with sven. at least we got the tournaments with sven.
watching lineker and his pals is a profoundly tepid experience. can you remember one classic interview, one comment that raised a titter, one cheeky wink that didn't make you yearn for the gravitas of des. so lineker you limp lettuce please do the nation a favour and take your cheeky cheeks and go off and play golf with your matey mates.
having got thinking about comparing sports presenters i couldn't stop so... here our my thoughts on what sports presenters would be if they were a foodstuff
ray stubbs - steak and kidney pudding: ray is hearty and satisying but leaves you with the desire to sleep and occasionaly unfortunate wind.
hazel irvine - a fondant fancy: hazel oh hazel - what a treasure you are, light and fluffy but with substance. every occasion needs a fancy
des - a fine red wine: fruity, intoxicating, sophisticated, many layered, gets better with age.
steve rider - a bread and butter pudding: hard work to eat but ultimately satisfying, a british classic, you are in safe but slightly boring hands.
sue barker - a tiramisu: a touch of class but a bit jaded
jim rosenthal - french snails: looks weird, tastes weird but can be strangely enjoyable.
lineker is the arcthetypal leceister dweller. leicester is a nothing sort of town that just exists - no passion, no interest, no balls. and lineker is just the same. there is no discernible passion or conviction, just a cheeky smile from your mate lineker. lineker the cheeky boy with a cheeky wink was originally a breath of fresh football air. his 'ironic humour' matched well with the time - the age of shooting stars and vic and bob. but you can only be cheeky and matey for too long. lineker now is a wilting lettuce who shows signs of turning brown and limp. his humour reduced to saying on a rainy day 'i hope you enjoyed the great weather' (as he did before a recent england match). i find myself shouting at the tv 'no gary i didn't, it was raining. you know it was raining. you know we are not enjoying it. your attempt at irony did not work. you idiot.' and give up bashing sven. at least we never lost a friendly with sven. at least we got the tournaments with sven.
watching lineker and his pals is a profoundly tepid experience. can you remember one classic interview, one comment that raised a titter, one cheeky wink that didn't make you yearn for the gravitas of des. so lineker you limp lettuce please do the nation a favour and take your cheeky cheeks and go off and play golf with your matey mates.
having got thinking about comparing sports presenters i couldn't stop so... here our my thoughts on what sports presenters would be if they were a foodstuff
ray stubbs - steak and kidney pudding: ray is hearty and satisying but leaves you with the desire to sleep and occasionaly unfortunate wind.
hazel irvine - a fondant fancy: hazel oh hazel - what a treasure you are, light and fluffy but with substance. every occasion needs a fancy
des - a fine red wine: fruity, intoxicating, sophisticated, many layered, gets better with age.
steve rider - a bread and butter pudding: hard work to eat but ultimately satisfying, a british classic, you are in safe but slightly boring hands.
sue barker - a tiramisu: a touch of class but a bit jaded
jim rosenthal - french snails: looks weird, tastes weird but can be strangely enjoyable.
posted by chris at 12:07 PM
1 Comments:
this is what having to get up at unearthly hours is all about. Classic!
But I like the Linekar wink,
I thought perhaps Dougie Donnely might be an organic vienesse whirl: niche market, creamy, and oh so very gay!
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